This is the prologue to a novel I am polishing at the moment. I have reworked this about ten times now and I would really like some feedback. Is it too much of an information dump? Does it catch your attention? Would you want to read more? Comments would be greatly appreciated!
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My life has been defined by death.
Even before I was old enough to know my own name I knew death. My grandparents died in a plane crash while I was still teething and my parents were gunned down in our home before I had left elementary school. The official story was murder suicide. Official stories are never the real story –that is why they have to make them official. They cannot be anything else. I hold Christian responsible.
My husband, Blake, and my uncle, Daniel, were the next to go. My brother took care of them with a shotgun. The twisted part of Uncle Daniel’s death is that he had been the chief proponent fighting to keep my brother from being charged with my parent’s murder. Christian’s ingratitude knew no bounds.
The night Daniel and Blake were killed I walked into my uncle’s house and found Christian hovering over them with a sick grin on his face. That is right were I shot him, in his smug face. I gave that son of a bitch what he deserved.
That is the last moment I can recall with any clarity. I have been trying for nearly two years to remember exactly what happened after that but for the life of me the memory will not come back. The next thing I knew I had woken up in a compound full of refugee women somewhere in Asia with no idea how I got there. I would try to escape but where do I have to go? Everyone I have ever loved is either dead or despises me.
So I am here; haunted by vivid nightmares, isolated and confused.
Mine is a life damned, and only my pride propels me forward. I will find out why I was brought here and how. There is a reason and until I learn it I will keep fighting.
Death can have me after that.
Sticks and Stones 
It’s clear that you’re protagonist has led a fairly death-filled existence, to date. If the intention is to make me wonder why, it’s spot on. I would read more to find out why she and death appear so bound to one another.
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*cough* your *cough*
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It is my intention. That’s great to hear. Thanks for the comment.
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I am looking forward to reading the novel! Nice work.
The only way this would be an ‘information dump’ is if you repeat it throughout the rest of the book. But it certainly has me wanting to know what happens next.
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That’s great to hear! Thank you so much.
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I love that opening line. But as we get into it I feel like I want some imagery. I want to know where she is and what it looks like there. The writing is light and airy but the topic is so dark. I love where you’re going though.
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Thank you so much for the comment. This portion is the main character writing a bit in her journal just before the action and description kicks in. I have to try and keep it short and punchy to avoid over telling before getting into the bulk narrative, but I can see how the lack of ‘paint’ in the scene can make it seem a bit boring. I’ll have to think on that. Thank you!
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Boring is not the word I would use but knowing now that she’s writing in her journal clears things up a lot
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See, you bastard? You called it a “Prologue” here. LOL. It definitely works better as a not-prologue.
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Death can have me after that. Love this last sentence. What is this chick going to do?! Definitely intrigued. Maybe I am just a little slow but without knowing the characters at this point I had a difficult time keeping track of who was related to who and who killed who. Interested enough to get to know all these people however. By the way, I cannot imagine writing a book as a man while I’m a woman. What a challenge.
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Almost all of my lead characters are female. I grew up with three sisters and a father who was a workaholic. I understand women a bit better than I do men… if that makes sense. As for what she’s going to do… she’s going to go kick a whole lot of a$$ and take a whole lot of names 🙂 It untangles as the story goes, but the question is does the opening have enough of a hook. If you want to read more than it does and I am happy to hear it!
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I’m not a bit LOLer and you made me chuckle. I am intrigued
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